This evening, Scott Brown, porn star and Republican extraordinaire, was declared winner in Massachusetts. Republicans everywhere rejoiced, while I quietly sipped my martini and worried about the future.
A Brown win means the Democrats have enough political conviction now to do one of three things:
1. The Democrats will push through health care reform before Brown can be seated
2. The Democrats will pass health care reform using reconciliation, making it more pure and concentrated, like the tears of a virgin or the blow used by former porn stars like Brown
3. The Democrats use the nuclear option to kill the filibuster, and force through a whole cadre of changes
Brown may have won tonight, but his win also means something more ominous for Republicans:
1. More candidates will steer to the right this November, assuring many will lose an otherwise cake walk
2. Democrats sensing doom will enact the majority of changes quickly in order to assure their passage
3. Republicans will be bludgeoned to death by gay liberals across the country as they attempt to shop at Williams and Sonoma
The outlook is not good. Winning is not everything.
Of course, the worst is that now we can no longer blame the Democrats when nothing gets accomplished. We have the 41st vote.
Oh fuck. Is it too late to release the full frontal shots of Brown?
