Congratulations on your announcement, Fred Thompson! Finally we have a candidate the likes of Reagan and Bush (43, not 41) in whom we can place our hopes for a new victory in 2008.

But may I suggest you stay away from holding children? They only make you look older than you really do, which is, let’s face it, quite Cryptkeeper-esque. Stick to standing next to white pasty senators. Since Strom Thermond is dead, maybe you can stand next to Arlen Specter. After all, he not only looks like a cancer patient, he is one.

Keep up the good work. Since you won’t be on Law and Order anymore, maybe you can get your old makeup artist to work his magic.