My gal pal, Ann Coulter, and I are planning a road trip to Washington, D.C. this weekend to buy hand guns and look at naked dancers. No, we aren’t planning on shooting our guns off in La Cage aux Follies, but we are planning to have a big party with some of my other friends and masturbate with our newly-liberated weapons. You know there is nothing like the feel of Glock inside you. Of course the last person I told that to, Sean Hannity, completely misunderstood. The last I heard, he was at the Manhole in the Village getting something other than a Glock shoved inside him.

What a dumb fuck.

For the first time since the Founding Fathers put the Second Amendment in the Bill of Rights on a double dare from Alexander Hamilton, the Supreme Court has ruled on what the Second Amendment really means. Originally the preamble read “in order to not look like a bunch of pussies for wearing stockings, makeup, and wigs, the right to bear arms shall not be infringed.” Needless to say, after they all had a good laugh, no one thought to take it out before it went to the printers. Rumor has it they wanted it replaced with an amendment guaranteeing abortions, as long as the fetus was 3/5 black.

The Supremes have stated unequivocally that we have a right to bear arms. Although, I think that pussy Scalia wimped out by stating that the state can keep felons and mentally ill people from possessing guns. I mean, that is just patently unfair. I mean, when was the last time you heard of a nut job going out, purchasing a gun, and shooting up something like a school or mall?

So Ann and I will celebrate by shoving cold hard steel in every orafice, going to the firing range, and having multiple orgasms shooting off our AK-47′s.

God bless America, where we have a right to bear arms, but up yours if you want health care.