There are a lot of reasons why, as a conservative, you should not vote for John McCain, but there are also just as many reasons why you should vote for Barack Obama.
It would teach a lesson to all those lily livered “Republicans” who voted for John McCain over Mike Huckabee and Fred Thompson. The Republican party needs to understand that if they are not willing to stand by their man in both good times and bad, that it will cost them dearly. George W. Bush will go down in history as the bestest President ever. And if history doesn’t see that, then history is as liberally biased as the facts, of which it consists.
After four yours of an Obama Presidency, in which we pull out of Iraq, refocus on the Taliban in Afgahnistan, provide universal health care for children and the working poor, revitalize science and work earnestly on energy independence, and begin a new era of detente working with not only our allies but also our enemies, America will be hungry to go back to the policies we have enjoyed under Commander Guy. There’s nothing like a little bit of peace and prosperity to get people willing to vote for someone who will piss it all away in just eight short years. Jeb Bush ‘12!
In case you haven’t noticed, Obama’s black. If their guy doesn’t win, there will be rioting in the streets like y0u haven’t seen since the last black guy ran and didn’t win. I mean we all remember the terrible riots in 1988. I mean they are still rebuilding Chicago and Los Angeles. And all because the colored guy didn’t win. To paraphrase my favorite mechanical punidt, “let the Negro win.”
If Obama wins, the Decider will be forced to attack Iran in order to get his three-fer war card punched enough to win him a free aircraft carrier in his name. We certainly can’t trust John McCain to do a tactical nuclear strike on Iran. I would be surpised if he could find it on a map. Note to self, get Miss South Carolina some freakin’ maps so that bitch shuts up. With Obama on the way in, our beloved leader will have no choice but to fulfill his destiny and launch a strike on Iran with the aid of the Israelis, the Brits, and the hundreds of nations left in the Coalition of the Willing. These nations in the vast brotherhood of the coalition include such totally real countries like Middle Earth, Tatooine, Krypton, and Cybertron.
Did I mention he’s black? Riots, burning cars, etc.
But the best reason to vote for Obama is that it will make John McCain angry, very angry. If we make him angry enough he will either turn into the Hulk McCain, which will go on a rampage in Washington and destroy the Senate with all those liberals and useless Republicans, who did nothing to help Commander Guy, or he might just blow a gasket and finally die, like we have all been hoping for for months now. It may not save our nation, but it will be as fun as hell to watch. I plan to piss on his grave when they finally inter his pile of bones.
So this November, make your vote count. If you are not going to vote for Bob Barr, vote for Barack Obama. The overturned burning car you save may be your own.
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