I want to sincerly thank all of you for all your tireless work to protect marriage from all the gay. You efforts to block gay marriage in Maine and, uh, Everything But Marriage in Washington shows how dedicated you are to preserving the sancticity of marriage.
Opposite marriage as been around for thousands of years. Everything but marriage has been around for, er, a couple months. This assault on an institution which has been unchanged for thousands of years cannot stand. And when I say it has remained unchanged, I of course am not taking into consideration all the changes and redefinitions of marriage, which have occurred over the millennia, like allowing interracial marriage, creating age requirements for marriage, essentially ending arranged marriages, outlawing slave marriages, permitting divorce, permitting people of different religions to marry, having non-religious marriage (something called civil marriage), outlawing polygamy, and granting women property rights. But other than that marriage has remained unchanged for thousands of years.
Oh, I almost forgot, outlawing incestuous marriages, like all those in the Bible.
Everything but marriage, having been around for just a few months, is pretty much unchanged since its inception, which was done, in fact, to deal with all of us who find the whole gay marriage thing too icky, but want to provide the gays with civil rights. So way to go standing up for opposite everything but marriage, whatever the hell that is.
Gay people everywhere are going to be destroying the fabric of society by getting married in Maine and getting everything but married in Washington. I have already seen the marriage announcements popping up in Bangor (the city, not the verb-object construct). And I even saw an everything but marriage announcement in Walla Walla, a town famous for its homophobia and onions.
Gay people are going to be flaunting their gay marriages on the streets, forcing us to recognize their lifestyles and competing for scarce marriage resources. Wedding planners will be too busy providing services for the three or four percent of the population, which may get gay married. There won’t be enough space in newspapers for the announcements for opposite marriages. The registries at stores across the country will be filled with people getting gay married. On second thought, forget about that last item. If people realize that gay marriage might boost the economy, even a little bit, they might not be too keen on the idea of banning it.
Gay people will also be flaunting their everything but marriages, forcing us to recognize their, uh, whatever the opposite of opposite everything but marriage is. They will be making a mockery of opposite everything but marriage. The institution of opposite everything but marriage will be destroyed. Loving heterosexual couples who are everything but married will suddenly be treated differently. Everything but marriage will no longer be special.
Can someone please tell me what the fuck opposite everything but marriage is? I’m trying to work here. I need the info!
We all know when gay people are allowed to marry, it fractures traditional marriage and rocks the very core of the institution. Take a look at Mark Sanford, the governor of South Carolina. He was forced into an extramarital affair, and has basically stopped loving his wife, all because of gay marriage. I am not sure how, but that is what I have been told by people far smarter than I. Essentially the same folks who brought us our current economy, the war in Iraq, watched New Orleans drown, sat on their asses while the nation was under attack, and gave us the Patriot Act, are warning us all about the dangers of gay marriage. Now if we can’t trust these guys, whom can we trust?
And we have seen in places where gay marriage has been allowed, how it has destroyed traditional marriage. Just take a look at Massachusetts, which has been suffering under gay marriage for five years. The divorce rate has skyrocketed. In 1994, the divorce rate was 2.4%. By 2005, a year after gay marriage started, the rate had ballooned to 2.2%. And now, five years after the first gay marriages were performed, the divorce rate has risen to its lowest rate since 1970. Uh, on second thought, forget about all those statistics.
I’m so happy to see that you are unpersuaded by attempts to publish the names of those who signed the petition to stop everything but marriage. It is refreshing to know that you those who feel so strongly about the subject are not afraid or acting like petulant children.
You are all a credit to your sexual preference. Oh listen to me, being all PC. We all know what it isn’t a preference. These people can become ungay if they want.
Please keep up the good work protecting traditional marriage and traditional everything but marriage.
Sincerely,
Blanca DeBree
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