Blanca has decided to cash in, I mean commemorate, the 9/11 tragedy by taking a page from Glenn Beck’s book.  His 9/12 Project was a resounding success, bringing thousands to the nation’s capital to protest everything and anything.  Of course Blanca doesn’t have the muscle of Fox News behind her campaign, but she will nonetheless profit from, I mean protect, the memory of all those who have died.

Blanca’s mission is called the 7/11 Project, in honor of those tragic events, which occurred at her local 7/11.  For those of you unfamiliar with the tragedy, Blanca went to her local convenience store this summer, ordered bought a Slushee, a Slim Jim, and a bag of Cheetos, only to walk out the store without her Slushee.

I will never forget the horror of that day.  It wasn’t until I was already halfway down the highway, that I realized the scope of the disaster.  If I live to be a hundred–which I will since I have excellent health care, and you don’t–I will never forget what it felt like to eat that Slim Jim and Cheetos without something to wash them down.

It was a day our nation came together.  Well, if not the nation, at least the state of Wisconsin.  All right, maybe not the entire state, but at least the hamlet of Fond du Lac.  OK, it was just me.  But I was pretty damn upset.  I mean I just wanted to go out there and get whoever was responsible.  I wanted to make them pay.

But since Blanca didn’t have the entire United States military at my disposal, I really couldn’t retaliate and bomb the Circle K, like I wanted to.  It would have been really great if I could have, though.  I mean I even had graphics setup and all.  I had slam dunk evidence that the Circle K was developing Slushees of Mass Destruction.  I was all ready to proclaim that we could not wait for the smoking gun to be an overflowing 44 ounce cup of crushed ice with red food coloring.

But it wasn’t meant to be.  So I just stewed for a couple months, until saw what Glenn had done.  I mean his little stick over there at the Fox News is just priceless.  I mean the crying, the pouring gasoline over people, the art critic spiel, which would make Sister Mary cry, that’s just awesome!

So I figured if Beck can do it, why not me?  I mean what does he got that I don’t?  I can cry.  Boo hoo.  I can pour gasoline over people.  Where the hell is my assistant?  I studied art.  The Renaissance:  fat hips, big tits, and oranges.

And so I launch the 7/11 Project.

Won’t you join Blanca in her quest to make some quick bucks, I mean exploit idiots, I mean get some major face time, I mean heal a hurting nation?  That last one.  Yeah, that sounds about right.