This week, millions if not billions, of people were glued to their television sets as a drama played out at 10,000 feet. No, it wasn’t the musical version of Airport ‘75. It was a mylar balloon, floating high in the sky, presumably with a little boy on board.
Not since Michael Jackson and McCauley Culkin made a guest appearance at the California chapter of NAMBLA, has a little boy garnered so much attention.
This Thursday, little Falcon Heene climbed into a ballon and was carried aloft like Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. Or so his big brother said.
But it turns out the sheriff of some blighted spot in Colorado no longer thinks. Jim Alderden, Sheriff of Larimer County, now says that the entire ordeal was a hoax, perpetuated by a media whore of a father, who swaps his wife, chases storms, and gets his little boy to puke live on morning television.
Instead of searching the house and finding the little fucker, the family called the police and said their little boy had been carried away by a helium balloon resembling a “Get Well” bouquet or a giant aluminum cupcake.
For two hours CNN, Fox, MSNBC, and a bevy of legitimate news organizations devoted live airtime to a fox hunt, which proved to be for naught. After more than 90 miles, the balloon came to rest near the Denver International Airport, sans boy. Not since Mark Foley found out the guy he was chatting with was not a 17-year-old boy ready for action, has anyone been so disappointed to not find a boy.
Bad parenting, the quest for fame, and really stupid backyard projects hit a loggerhead this week, as we all learned that, shockingly, not everyone on the teevee tells the truth.
So Mr. Heene now faces criminal charges. The rest of us, although initially happy the little boy was safe, now wish we would have at least seen his little ass fall 10,000 feet to the Colorado plains below on live TV. But if we can’t have that, at least we can now watch his dad go to jail, live.
Not since Michael Jackson’s death have the police being combined with a boy been so enthralling.
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As opposed to Rush Limbaugh who’s more often than not a balloon in a boy…