How would you like to meet a President of the United States? Now how would you like to meet a President of the United States for the low, low price of $4.95? OK, calm down. We’re not talking Barack “Communist” Obama. It’s our old favorite, 43, George W. Bush.
President George W. “You’re Doing a Heckuva Job, Brownie” Bush has been booked as a motivational speaker for the Get Motivated folks based in Tampa, Florida. If you have the money, you may be one of the lucky ones to see President Bush in person in either Fort Worth on October 26 or in San Antonio on December 2.
Previously, you had to be a Ranger or Pioneer spending upwards of $100,000 for the privilege of seeing the President in person. But in this economy our beloved Commander Guy has slashed his speaking fees so you, too, can afford the chance to meet a legend.
Other former Presidents charge from $150,000 to $350,000 for speaking fees. Bill Clinton made $7.5 million in 2005 making talkie talk.
Considering the Fort Worth Convention Center seats 11,200 and the AT&T Center in San Antonio has a maximum capacity of 17,444, President Bush could only be making at most about $86,000 for his motivational speech. Of course, that is assuming none of the other folks are getting anything or that the company is running at a loss.
It truly shows how generous and saintly our former President is that he is basically making a pittance just to let you have the chance to touch his robes for a mere $4.95 or $19 for your entire office.
Of course since he tanked the economy, most people can’t even afford $4.95 for the privilege to personally thank him for his brilliant stewardship of the largest economy in the world. But if you have to sell a pint of plasma to get to see Bush, it is a small price to pay.
I don’t know about you, but I plan to fly down to Dallas on Monday to see my idol in the flesh. Hell, while I’m there I may even pair up with Glenn Beck and reenact the Kennedy Assassination. I can’t wait to see what I look like in that little pink chiffon number with a matching pill box hat. I bet we get a crowd in Dealey Plaza. We could charge almost anything. I am sure half the world would pay at least $1,000 to watch Beck’s head get blown off.
But your $4.95 doesn’t just buy George W. Bush. You also get to see Rudy Giuliani reenact the horror of 9/11. He will graphically recount the blood bath of 9/11. He will demonstrate the courage he manifested on 9/11. He might even mention 9/11.
And Colin Powell will dangle vials of anthrax over the enthralled crowd. Of course the toxin is just a prop. The dried up powder is really the desiccated semen of Rush Limbaugh.
This promises to be one of the best two nights in the history of mankind. Book your tickets now! They are sure to sell out.
Well at least the front row.
Bring a rain coat. You will get wet!
At least Blanca will get wet listening to President Bush!
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