Michael Wagner of the Gay and Lesbian Rights Force said yesterday that the victories of Proposition 1 in Maine and Referendum 71 in Washington exposed a fundamental flaw in how gays and lesbians were approaching equality. He said that a new paradigm was needed in order to grant gay and lesbian couples the same rights as heterosexual couples.
“The Everything but Marriage referendum in Washington basically accomplished the same thing Proposition 1 successfully overturned,” Wagner said. “It is obvious that the nation is not ready for gay marriage at the polls, but it is ready for Everything but Marriage, which explains our new strategy.
“In the coming months we will shift our focus away from ‘marriage’ and concentrate instead on electing Republican candidates in the mid-term elections next year.
“Gay marriage has lost in 31 of 31 ballot initiatives across the country, garnering the greatest support from rural, elderly, and minority voters. By electing Republicans to majorities in both houses of Congress, we will begin to directly address this fundamental problem in our gay marriage strategy.
“After Republicans dismantle Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, welfare, food stamps, unemployment benefits, WIC, and SCHIPS, those people who have been the most ardent opponents of gay marriage will quickly die and will come off the voters roles in most states, except Illinois where the dead have been legally able to vote since the 19th century.”
When someone pointed out that Republicans will only dismantle whatever civil rights gays have fought for and will become difficult to unseat once entrenched in Congress, Mr. Wagner replied “but that’s the beauty of the plan. Once old people and hicks are dead, the Republican base will vanish, and we will be able to elect Democrats into majorities again.”
When someone else pointed out that minorities were big Democratic supporters Wagner simply shouted “!Viva Bush!”
It remains to be seen if this new strategy will pay off. When asked to comment on the new strategy, Minority Leader John Boner welcomed gays into the fold, stating it will make it easier for Republican Senators and Representatives to have gay sex without having to frequent airport washrooms and harass underage congressional pages.
Senator Vitter then asked if diapers were a gay fetish.
| 
| 
| 
| 
| 
| 
Wearing a diaper is a gay fetish only when you’re banging a gay prostitute.
Damn, if that doesn’t sound like it might actually work!