What’s wrong with this country when the most qualified and not the straightest person gets the job? On Saturday, Houstonians elected their first openly-gay mayor, Annise Parker, in a runoff race between two Democrat candidates. The Lesbian garnered more than 53% of the vote, even after valiant attempts by Christians and Republicans to point out to everyone that she was a gay.
This morning I wake up to read the paper on the toilet (I fell asleep on the toilet last night after three too many martinis) and I am entreated to another Sunday morning surprise attack, not unlike the one which sank our battleships in Pearl Harbor when the Germans attacked us in California–and I am not talking about that Mexican food I had for dinner last night. As I sat there stunned, reading how opposite mayors are now under attack by a growing horde of non-traditional mayors, I realized how much this country has changed.
This is not the America I knew when I was a little girl. This is not the country I fell in love with, dry humped after having too much to drink, and then refused to call the next day because I was too embarrassed over my behavior. This country has become unrecognizable, with people getting equal rights, equal treatment, and equal pay. This country is becoming like Stalin’s Germany or Hitler’s Russia, with people being chosen on their merits instead of their skin color or sexual orientation. This country is now just like Mao’s Vietnam or Lil’ Kim’s China, with elected officials being chosen for what they can do for their constituents instead of whom they do in the bedroom.
I am disgusted with what this country has become. I love my country, and just like Glenn Beck, I love it so much, I think we need to overthrow her government and nuke her cities in order to save her. Call it tough love. Call it rebellion. Call it insurrection. Just don’t call it treason, because it is only treason when someone on the left does it by, say, asking the President questions, or demanding facts and proof, or challenging a Republican to a debate or election.
So join me in praying for the return of our country to its rightful state, prior to civil rights, voting rights, and birth rights. Please pray with me.
Just make sure you are praying the right prayer to the right God, otherwise we are all going to be smitten. Smotten. Smotted. Whatthefuckever.
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