Blanca DeBree Blog

Rush Limgaugh, media titan and conservative talk show host, was rushed to the hospital in Hawaii yesterday complaining of chest pains.  He was admitted in serious condition.  His condition deteriorated, and several hours later he was placed in critical condition.  Shortly before midnight he was declared dead.

This morning doctors at Queens Medical Center upgraded his condition from dead to undead.  A representative for the talk show host stated:

“Rush was admitted to and is resting comfortably in a Honolulu hospital today after suffering chest pains.

“Rush appreciates your prayers and well wishes and he will keep you updated via RushLimbaugh.com.”

At a news conference this morning, when asked to comment on the fact that Mr. Limbaugh was “resting comfortably,” his doctors blanched.  They appeared visibly shaken by not only the question, but also by Mr. Limbaugh’s current medical condition.  After a few moments of hesitation, the Chief of Cardiology, Dr. Andrew Bell, M.D. tried to put forth an explanation.

“Mr. Limbaugh was brought into the hospital last night, suffering chest pains and exhibiting classic symptoms of cardiac arrest.  After several hours of treatment, Mr. Limbaugh seemed to have succumbed to his illness and died shortly before midnight.  As nurses were preparing the body for removal, Mr. Limbaugh appeared to regain consciousness and started to complain about socialized healthcare, calling the staff a bunch of Obamacommunists, and asking one African American nurse to take the bone out of her nose so she could blow him.

“Doctors were immediately called to the room, and they began to examine the patient.  He exhibited no pulse, no respiration, and no temperature.  Additionally, he no longer cast a reflection in any mirror, and seemed to be greatly disturbed by a crucifix pendant one of the younger nurses was wearing around her neck.  It was then that Mr. Limbaugh began to request unusual objects, such as a coffin and earth from his lair.  He also started to have cravings for virgin’s blood.

“An expert on the occult was called in, a Wiccan Priest, named Andy Martin, who is incidentally running for Senate in Illinois, and he proclaimed that Mr. Limbaugh was a member of the undead, a vampire.”

When asked to comment how such a lovable, misunderstood clansman radio host could have become a vampire, the Wiccan Priest, who had been standing behind Dr. Bell, came forward and explained.

“After spewing so many fabrications and lies for so long, it was just a matter of time before Limbaugh’s soul would escape his body, looking for a more suitable host, preferably one with a conscious and not destined for Hell.  The soul probably wandered around for a while, possibly entering Michelle Malkin, Ann Coulter, Glenn Beck, and Sean Hannity, before determining these vessels were neither compatible nor desirable for the eternal spirit of Rush.  It is then, I theorize, that his soul made its way into a new born child:  an innocent vessel, without sin.

“I suggest you mount a search party, and find a child born last night, shortly before midnight, who has a particular glint in its eyes.  That child will have the soul of Rush Limbaugh.  That child will be the second incarnation of the Rushbo.”

Since Rush Limbaugh is now a vampire, he will no longer be able to perform his daily 12 noon show.  Clear Channel has yet to make a statement, but it is expected that he will either move his show to after dark or may simply change vocations and work as a spokesman for Satan.

However, since Rush Limbaugh has been the leader of the Republican Party for so long, this job may be redundant.

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Tags: Rush Limbaugh
Posted 31 Dec 2009 by blancadebree in News