When I was in college, I had a torrid love affair with a young woman named Hope. One day I came to her and told her that I had found Jesus and that I was leaving her. In reality, Jesus was our maid’s five-year-old son who had been missing all afternoon. Everyone [...][...]
Archive for the ‘News’ Category
January 19th, 2010 - 10:43 pm § in News
Brown Wins, Republicans Lose
This evening, Scott Brown, porn star and Republican extraordinaire, was declared winner in Massachusetts. Republicans everywhere rejoiced, while I quietly sipped my martini and worried about the future. A Brown win means the Democrats have enough political conviction now to do one of three things:[...]
January 18th, 2010 - 10:50 pm § in News
Confessions of Pek Pek Supot
My gay assistant, Pek Pek Supot, came to me tonight and confided in me a great secret. He told me confidentially, on condition of anonymity, a great sin he says he committed. Pek Pek Supot was in tears, screaming “mea culpa,” and hitting himself like a Catholic sadomasochist–look[...]
An Open Letter to Rush Limbaugh
Dear Rush, I may call you Rush, right? I mean I don’t have to call you His Holiness or curtsy or genuflect or anything like that, right? I mean standing in your shadow is just awe inspiring. Actually, it’s a little scary. I mean it’s just like a total eclipse of the sun. [...]
December 31st, 2009 - 11:15 am § in Healthcare, O-Bitch-uaries
Farewell, Not to Be Forgotten
It is usually at this time of year that bloggers, television, and print come up with lists of all the people we have lost this year. While these memorial lists are interesting and provide context for the year in which we lived, we at the Blanca DeBree Blog believe it is more important to single [.[...]
December 31st, 2009 - 10:38 am § in News
Rush Limbaugh’s Condition Upgraded to Undead
Rush Limgaugh, media titan and conservative talk show host, was rushed to the hospital in Hawaii yesterday complaining of chest pains. He was admitted in serious condition. His condition deteriorated, and several hours later he was placed in critical condition. Shortly before midnight he was d[...]
December 30th, 2009 - 11:52 pm § in O-Bitch-uaries
Rush Limbaugh Dead at Age 58
Rush Limbaugh has been pronounced dead in Hawaii. Limbaugh was born in Cape Girardeau, Missouri. His family has a long history in Republican politics, including several members who were judges. When Limbaugh was 16 years old he began working at a local radio station. After attending Southeast Missou[...]
December 30th, 2009 - 4:20 pm § in Healthcare
Blanca Now Supports Health Care Reform
After lengthly consultation with health care providers, insurance company executives, and senior citizen advocates, Blanca has decided to change her position on health care reform being advocated by Democrats in Congress. Well, it was not so much the consultation with health care experts as a length[...]
Andy Martin, GOP Senate Candidate, Caught with Pants Down
Just mere days after a rumor began to circulate that Mark Kirk was a homosexual, a new rumor has surfaced, which accuses Andy Martin of being, among other things, a child rapist and Wiccan Priest. Andy Martin used a radio spot recently to accuse his opponent, Mark Kirk, of both being and surrounding[...]
December 23rd, 2009 - 12:22 am § in Healthcare, Jesus
Senator Coburn Kills Senator Inhofe
It appears that after Senator Coburn instructed Americans to pray for someone to miss the 1 AM roll call to vote on healthcare reform, one Republican Senator is now missing from the ranks. On C-SPAN today, a man called in voicing what everyone had feared: the prayer to kill Senator Byrd backfire[...]
