Amnesty International warns that those Uighurs being returned back to China face imprisonment, torture, and execution.  China, long known for its human rights violations, treats minorities as nuisances, which need to be assimilated or eliminated.

Formal protests have been lodged by various organizations and governments in Phnom Penh, a capital famous for having more silent letters than any other in the world.

So far there has been no formal statement from Mitch McConnell or Michael Steele.  Republicans are torn between liking the idea of oppressing a minority, and their joy over executing Muslims.

Once Senate Republicans can formulate a strategy, which will not only result in speeding up the deportation but also simultaneously slowing down Democrat healthcare reform, they will make it public.

I mean no President in the history of this country has asked us to do things for our country, which we normally would love if a white Republican were running it, but now that we have a black communist/socialist/fascist/Nazi/racist and all the other -ists Glenn Beck found in his Junior Merriam-Webster, we hate it and want nothing but disaster for it.

It’s not like Kennedy said something socialist like “ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.”

I mean if he had, that would be all communist.  It is much better to echo the words of that greatest leader in the history of this country:  number 43.

“Go shopping.”

Now that is the kind of service I can get into.

And asking people to help others is so communist.  Nothing is less Christian than thinking of others, selflessness, self denial, and charity.  What would Jesus think if He could hear the secret Muslim Barack Obama ask people to give of themselves on this day so tragic in history?  Thank God He went deaf shortly after we Republicans started losing elections.

Well, I don’t know about you, but I plan to celebrate this day like God and George W. Bush had intended.  I am going to spend lavishly on myself, masturbate on a bed filled with twenty dollar bills, and laugh at some homeless and unemployed people.

That’s the Republican thing to do!

The NRA was a force in getting concealment laws in place in states like Arizona and Alaska, where people are permitted to bring guns to dangerous places like bars, restaurants, and churches.

The organization successfully lobbied the White House and Congress to have all background checks for weapons shredded instead of being kept on file.  The fact that they successfully persuaded lawmakers to do this right after 9/11 and the passage of the infamous Patriot Act stands as a testament to how much power they once held.

But those days seem gone now.  The NRA threw the might of its organization behind blocking the confirmation of Sonia Sotomayor.  They threatened Democrats and Republicans from swing and red states, that if they voted for her, they would campaign against them.  It didn’t work.

Last month, the NRA was behind a push in the Senate to essentially negate all state gun laws and permit conceal and carry laws throughout the United States.  So much for states’ rights.  In an orchestrated move more befitting a ballet than a legislative body, the Democrats deftly moved to require a 60 vote majority to pass.  Back door dealing and last minute defections shot down the proposed law when only 58 votes could be mustered.

The NRA has told the nation all along that they are for sensible gun laws.

They opposed a ban on cop-killer bullets.

They opposed the Brady Law.

They opposed gun locks.

They opposed the assault weapon ban.

They targeted the American Academy of Pediatrics, because they named gun violence as a leading cause of children’s deaths.

They even held their annual meeting in Littleton, Colorado 11 days after the Columbine massacre.

The motto for years has been “from my cold dead hand.”  Well, it seems that the pulse is thready, and the temperature is falling.  Pretty soon, it will be taken from you and passed to a new generation, which is more responsible, less reprehensible, and more in tuned with what conservatives, especially Republicans like myself, feel today.

Farewell, NRA.  It was nice knowing you.

Hello Aryan Nation.  To quote Michael Steele, “sieg heil, y’all.”

I wanted to write you to tell you how much I agree with and support your opinion that Taliban should kill captured United States Army solider PFC Bowe Bergdahl.  You are quite correct, that boy had it coming more than a 15-year-old girl who gets gang raped at a church social.

Any solider who lets himself get captured has no business being in the United States military–the finest photo op the world has ever seen.  I mean just look at this guy, he’s eating, talking, and even has a spiffy haircut.  This guy is collecting a paycheck without having to do any of the killin’ and a bombin’ we all enjoy so much as Republicans.  He’s lazier than a welfare mom trying to scrape by on food stamps and unemployment.

But we shouldn’t stop there.  Not only are captured soldiers guilty of dereliction of duty and should face a firing squad–hopefully by the enemy to save time and money–but soldiers who allow themselves to be wounded are also prime candidates for capital punishment.  And we really wouldn’t have to waste any time having them medivaced off the battlefield.  We could just leave them behind for the enemy to pick off, one at a time.

Just think of all the money we’d save and all the unit cohesion we’d create.  If every soldier’s too scared of being wounded and left behind to fend for himself, he will fight twice as hard and make sure he never gets shot!

Yes, Colonel, you are not only an all -American hero, but you are the finest example of what we Republicans have become and a shining symbol of the Fox News Network.  I would like to personally arrange a 21-gun salute to you, sir.

I only have one question.

How tall are you, so we know how high to aim.

Sincerely,

Blanca

One of the longest and staunchest allies in the War on Terrah has stepped down under pressure from the opposition party, which won a major electoral victory earlier this year. If Musharraf had not stepped down, he faced impeachment.

Musharraf has been as good a friend and ally that Commander Guy could ask for. His accomplishments include:

• Befriending the Taliban, who controlled Afghanistan until 2001, when a coalition of nations ousted them after the terrorist attacks of 9/11.

• Letting Osama bin Laden escape capture, and possibly setup shop in Pakistan.

• Refusing to permit American forces to enter into Pakistan in pursuit of the Taliban forces.

• Declaring martial law and suspending elections at a time when we were force feeding democracy around the world at the point of a gun.

Commander Guy was despondent at the news of Musharraf’s departure. The Decider could be heard walking the halls of the White House, mumbling to himself. Those close to him say he just repeated the same thing over and over again: “I hope this doesn’t give that bitch Pelosi any ideas.”

Let’s hope not.

I sent this American Patriot an email personally thanking him for not mentioning picking up men in airport bathrooms, hitting on teenage pages, playing air guitar while New Orleans drowns, reading books about pet goats while twin towers burn, laughing while Americans go to the poor house at the gas station, saving brain dead ladies in Florida, weapons of mass destruction, illegal wire taps, pissing on the Constitution, and any of the other fun things we Republicans have done over the past four years.

The Republican Song – Please Don’t Vote for a Democrat

The Democrat secular progressive move,
political correctness is killing us too.
They want to take the money from the hard workin man,
and give it to the lazy folks that don’t give a damn.

Chorus

Democrats and Liberals, shame on you,
don’t punish us all just to please a few,
Your holdin people back while we’re pickin up the slack,
and that’s why we can’t vote for a Democrat.
Oh no, a no, no, no, no, no, no…
Oh no, a no, no, no, no, no, nooo…
Yeah, your holding people back, while we’re pickin up the tax,
Oh no, no please don’t vote for a Democrat.

Now we’re trying to win a war and wipe out the terrorists,
We’re not fightin for oil we got plenty if we drill it.
But the liberals and the media are spreading their lies,
Get the hell out of our way and let our soldiers fight.

Chorus

Democrats and Liberals shame on you,
don’t punish us all just to please a few.
No we can’t afford to have another attack,
and that’s why we can’t vote for a Democrat.
Oh no, a no, no, no, no, no ,no…
Oh no, a no, no, no, no, no, no..
No we can’t afford to have another attack,
Oh no, please don’t vote for a Democrat.

Republicans, we’re not perfect but we know the truth
We uphold the Constitution and the Golden Rule.
We believe a mans freedom is a God given right,
the USA is the beacon to the whole world in sight.

Chorus

Democrats and Liberals shame on you,
don’t punish us all just to please a few.
our Constitution, Nation and God are under attack,
and that’s why we can’t vote for a Democrat.
Oh no, oh no, no, no, no, no, no…
oh no, oh no, no, no, no, no, no…
Our Constitution, Nation and God are under attack,
Oh no, please, oh no please, don’t vote for a Democrat.

Our Constitution, Nation and God are under attack,
Oh no, please, oh no please, don’t vote for a Democrat.

She was obviously asking for it, wearing that sexy Burqa, walking in public, and associating with a member of the opposite sex. Just like all those women in the United States, who, over the years, have been blamed for their own rapes, because of how they dressed or acted. For your average Saudi man, a Burqa is a real turn on. The sight of two disembodied eyes is enough to give any red-blooded Saudi boy an instant erection. In fact the Saudi version of Playboy is actually a magazine only showing women’s eyes. The Victoria’s Secret catalog is page after page of revealing Burqas. Sometimes they even go as far as to show the souls of the model’s feet! Talk about racy!

Separation of the sexes isn’t that unusual in the world. We do it in the United States all the time. Many European countries have unisex bathrooms. I know. No, I have never been to France, but I watch Bill O’Reilly all the time. And if Bill O’Reilly knows anything, it is sexual depravity.

Ever been to a dance in Iowa? No? That’s because there are no dances in Iowa! They can’t abide the mixing of the sexes any more than the Alabamans can stand the mixing of the races.

Everyone blaming the Saudis for this are obviously just racist. Replace Saudi Arabia with Kansas, Islamic with Christian, and lashes with jail time and it suddenly doesn’t sound all that bad.

See, when you put it all into perspective, it all sounds perfectly reasonable. If this were so tragic, wouldn’t Bandar Bush ask his friends in the Saudi Royal Family to do something? We have seen time after time how Commander Guy has come to the rescue of those in need. After all, Commander Guy is a true Compassionate Conservative.

I am always impressed with the wonderful job the TSA and Homeland Security are doing, protecting us in this War on Terrah. The steps they go to to prevent another hijacking or terrorist attack are amazing. For instance, by checking to make sure everyone has a boarding pass, they prevent anyone from getting on the plane without a ticket. We all know that the 9/11 hijackers didn’t bother purchasing tickets. Good job, guys!

Next they have us put all of our shampoos, deodorants, and toothpastes into little quart-size plastic bags. By keeping the size of our personal products at three ounces or less we are assured that five terrorists could never possibly join up on a plane and make their three ounces fifteen. I think it’s wonderful they figured out more than three ounces is deadly but less is perfectly safe. I’m so glad this has absolutely nothing to do with Procter and Gamble making huge contributions to the Republican Party and George W. Bush.

Then we have to take off our shoes and have them x-rayed. Thanks to Richard Reid we know what to do to protect ourselves from people walking onto planes with bombs. It’s a good thing for us that metal detectors work against porcelain blades and plastique.

Then they make us place our laptops and cameras in separate bins, so they can be thoroughly x-rayed. It’s a good thing no one ever thought of making a cell phone into a weapon!

Yes, the TSA keeps us safe. And by keeping the lines long and making the procedures tiresome and annoying, they frustrate not only passengers but any potential terrorists, forcing more and more passengers and terrorists to take the train.

Musharef is fighting terrorism and promoting democracy in the Middle East by shutting it down at home. You’ve heard the saying “you have to break a couple of eggs to make an omelet?” Well, Musharraf is just expanding on this notion. You have to kill freedom of the press, assembly, and speech in order to protect our freedom from the Islamofanaticfascistterristas.

Now I know what you are thinking. I have heard a lot of my liberal friends quote Benjamen Franklin, who said that those who are willing to sacrifice liberty for security deserve neither. But Franklin didn’t live in a time when foreigners were on our soil, fighting against us. Oceans no longer protect us. Trust me, I asked Billy Ocean to stand guard in my gated community and he just told me to piss off.

Anyway, who cares about a little coup thousands of miles away in a country most Americans have never even seen? Coups really aren’t that bad, anyway. You know I don’t seem to be as concerned about coups since 2000–don’t know why. Of course, coming from Wisconsin, where growing up you couldn’t swing a dead cat without hitting a Kraut, I prefer the term putsch to coup. It has a more meaty feel.

Musharraf insists he must suspend elections to protect the country from future terrorist attacks and to preserve the peace. Let’s just hope that our beloved Commander Guy takes a cue from the diminutive, swarthy Paki strong-man. Can you imagine how much more orderly and peaceful this country would be with Martial Law? Of course everyone can still keep their guns. There’s nothing like stroking a shotgun in the middle of the night to soothe your nerves.

Just think how quiet and orderly everything will be in the coming months when instead of having to watch Hillary and Company trash our beloved Decider, we can be reassured that He will always be there for us, protecting us from the Democrats and terrorists. Instead of wasting millions of dollars on a needless election, that money could better be used in giving me another tax cut. And with George always in the White House, we won’t have to worry about some painful transition in 2009.

So Condi, please stop criticizing Musharraf. Think of his as an experiment, a trial run, for what we could do here. Today Islamabad tomorrow Washington, D.C.!

And our glorious Commander Guy loves the troops so much, he insists that we not coddle them with adequate armor or equipment in Iraq. He knows nothing says you don’t have faith in the ability of the troops to succeed than giving them fancy equipment, which pampers them.

And when, and if, they come home, he knows that giving them mental and physical health care would only make them feel helpless. He knows that tough love is the best love.

Yes, these troops have never known a better friend than our Commander Guy. And considering the military strongly supported him in 2000 and 2004 and helped get him elected, they’ve gotten the President they deserve.