It kind of reminds me of Iraq in a way. You know, I understand what the Israelis are doing. You have to win the hearts and minds of the Gazans first, and the best way to free hearts and minds, is to blow them out of their children. You know nothing brings people together like the death of a child. Look at Caylee, look at Jon Benet, look at Natalee, look at those two negro children in the trunk somewhere in Jersey, whose name I totally forgot, but at least I remembered they weren’t white. With all of these dead Gazan kids being stacked up like firewood, photographs of the scene can’t help but unite people. Pretty soon the Jews and the evildoers will be singing Kumbaya and dancing around in those faggy little dances those kinds of people like.

We all know that the Jews are God’s chosen people–or at least they were until they decided to kill Jesus on us. We have a long common history with the Jews. My father stood side by side hundreds, marching to keep our schools and social clubs Jew free. My grandmother was the first person in Font du Lac to burn a cross to keep a Jewish family from moving into the neighborhood. And who can forget the whole Inquisition? I remember my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather roasting Jew nuts over an open fire.

With this common history, it is no wonder that we conservatives always like to side with Israel in their little wars. We need Israel. Israel is vital to our national security. Not only is it vital to keep it in Jew hands until Jesus comes back and throws them all into the eternal lake of fire, but without Israel, there would be even more Jews roaming the streets of New York City.

So as a conservative, I fully support Israel’s right to defend itself. Anyway, since most of their weapons come from us, it’s good for the economy to have these guys fight it out every once in a while. Just think of every dead Gazan as free advertising for GE, Lockheed Martin, and Boeing. You just can’t buy publicity like that!

We on the right owe it to Israel–and ourselves–to stand by our Jew friends in their hour of need. Israel is the only democracy in the Middle East–if you don’t count Afghanistan, Egypt, Gaza, Iran, Iraq, Lebanon, and Turkey. Without Israel, there would be no future for Jesus and for all of us just waiting for the Rapture to rescue us from this miserable little country. But the most important reason to defend Israel is it keeps the Jews in Israel and out of the United States and makes this country much more livable.

I am all for these Jesus killers protecting themselves, as long as they stay on their side of the world, and don’t attempt to join my country club or marry my daughter or something unacceptable like that.

As the causalities mount on both sides, the lasting and final legacy of the Decider is an Israel unbound and unleashed, devoid of military and political restraint from the Oval Office. The reticence of Dear Leader at a time of carnage is a testament to his and the Republican’s commitment to Israel.

A strong Israel, unlimited by a moderate White House, able to plow over its neighbors and attack its enemies with impudence, is all important to the conservative time table for Jesus’ return. As long as we can keep Israel fighting, encroaching on surrounding land, and pissing off the entire Muslim world, we can ensure a unified Jerusalem, and an ample supply of Arab acrimony to fuel the final battle called Armageddon when the Jews will be thrown into the eternal lake of fire and Republicans will be rewarded with whatever crap we have been promising those morons who have been voting for us for years.

So as we go into the final weeks of Bush’s reign, the Israelis are taking this moment to play while the cat is away. And no absent cat is more conspicuous than President Bush. Taking phoning it in to a new height, Bush has been MIA more often than he was during his little stint with the Alabama National Guard. And everyone understands it is a fire sale, with just 24 days until the store is under new management.

Israel will not be the last to take advantage of our Commander Guy’s slow slide into home plate. In the coming days I suspect Russia will launch a new incursion into Georgia, the Commie one, not the Redneck one. Iran may take this moment to push further into Iraqi politics. And a whole host of other nations slowly simmering squabbles with their neighbors may make a move in the final three weeks of W’s administration to put down “insurgencies,” from the Turks with the Kurds, to the Greeks with the Macedonians, to the Pakistanis with the Indians and Kashmir.

And so the real lasting legacy with George W. Bush will be that he kept the world going–going on the same violent downward spiral, which has marked so much of human evolution (the magical Jesus kind, not the fantasy Darwin kind). In the coming years, as we look back fondly on the Bush II administration, we will reminisce and wistfully want for the days of never-ending violence, war, and carnage. And as Republicans, we will long for the days of eternal Middle Eastern flareups as we suffer through the long, peaceful Presidency of Barack Obama.

So when the history is written about 43, it will state that no other American President–with the possible exception of Richard M. Nixon–kept the fires burning, kept the casualties mounting, and kept the military-industrial complex humming along quite so perfectly. The dymanic duo of Bush-Cheney will be missed for their tireless efforts to keep economies rolling, from Smith-Wesson to Glock to GE to Lockheed-Martin. They kept the world safe for blood diamonds, AK-47’s and M16’s. And they will be missed–by almost 20% of the American population.

Joe the Plumber ditched John McCain on the campaign trail and went rogue in his own way, declaring that a vote for Obama is a vote for the death of Israel. Priceless!

Elizabeth Dole claims her opponent is godless. Crazy bitch!

Norm Coleman sues Al Franken. Dude!

Bible Spice says “drill, baby, drill” at a stump stop at a solar plant in Ohio. Infuckingcredible!

Some polls are saying the race is tightening. Others show that Obama has a comfortable lead. Early voters are overwhelmingly Democratic. Huge numbers of African Americans and young voters are turning up early to vote for Obama, which begs the question.

In a poll, which uses likely voters, what exactly do they do with people who have already voted? Are they being counted as likely voters? If they are not, then are the numbers becoming more skewed as we get closer to election day as more and more people have already voted?

Remember to join Blanca on election day. She will be calling each and every state for Obama or McCain. She will also call each Senate and Congressional race. She will also call other important elections, like Prop 8 in California and Prop R in San Francisco. She will be blogging live from the cradle of liberty, Atlanta.

Mr. McCain, I can be just as unbelieveably stupid as Sarah. Just ask me what the Vice President does. I’ll tell you. The Vice President runs the House of Representatives and is in charge of all the boats in the Army and the ground troops in the Air Force. I also think that the Vice President is responsible for all that there up in those, for sure, you betcha, also.

I also am a hot chick like Sarah. OK, I am fat, but some guys are into that. Actually, I think they are called lesbians, but I don’t care about someone’s nationality, be they Lesbian, or Israeli, or Normal.

I just want a job like Sarah. I want to get to make speeches and collect a paycheck, without having a clue of what I am doing. I also want to wear Valentino dresses and Monolo Blahnik shoes. Damn, I want to be just like Carrie Bradshaw, except with family values, Jesus, and all that shit.

John, I have told you before that I have more foreign policy experience than Sarah Palin. Recently I flew over Russia, which is like way better than seeing it from your house. I also urinated in a Japan airport, which is like gives me negotiation experience or something. I also eat at Taco Bell, which is like being fluent in Spanish.

I know things aren’t going well with Sarah and you. She is a drag on your campaign. If Bush is the iceberg, she is the anchor pulling your campaign to the bottom. I can resurrect your campaign. I know how to reach out to the average voter–read stupid–and I can make them vote for you.

How’s this: socialist, communist, liberal. Nevermind that these terms are completely diametrically opposed. Spread the wealth, tax increases, black! See, I can do it even better than Caribou Barbie.

McCain, you need to put me on your ticket in the place of Palin if you want a hope in Hell of winning. I have a following. There are millions who read my blog every day. Sure, most of them are Filippinos and think that I am really Tina Yothers, but I am popular.

So what do you say, Prisoner Dude? Kick Palin off the ticket and put me on so I can get paid and dressed fine!

Specifically, Palin has brought up a previously-debunked attack on Obama’s character, tying him with William Ayers, a member of the Weatherman. This tenuous connection between the former 60’s radical and Barack Obama has been disected and disproven before. Indeed the only affiliation between Ayers and Obama appears to be that both men served on the same board of a non-profit in Chicago and that Ayers donated $200 to a previous Obama campaign. Not exactly what I would call a rock solid basis for an attack.

Palin doesn’t seem to understand that people in glass houses should be careful where they hurl insults and attacks. When it comes to integrity and experience, Caribou Barbie has less of a leg to stand on than Heather Mills on Dancing with the Stars. Indeed, the Bitch from Nowhere, is skating on global-warmed thin ice.

Not that I am trying to give Obama any ideas, but Palin’s questionable associations are cannon fodder, and her past is rife with suspicious activity. Case in point, here are a few of Palin’s past flirtations with evil.

Sarah Palin is from Alaska. Alaska is next to Russia–as Palin has used as evidence of her foreign policy experience in the past. Stalin was a dictator of Russia. Obviously Palin is soft on dictators, since she did not use her proximity to the Great Bear to put an end to Stalin’s reign of terror. Palin tolerates dictators.

Sarah Palin wears panties. Eva Braun also wore panties. Eva Braun was the lover of German Führer Adolf Hilter. Sarah Palin obvisouly is very much like Eva Braun. Sarah Palin loves Adolf Hilter.

Sarah Palin loves Israel. Jesus Christ lived in Israel. Jesus Christ was crucified in Israel. Sarah Palin loves crucifiction. Sarah Palin wants to kill our Lord and Savior.

See, Sarah, you better be careful. If you don’t watch yourself these kind of attacks could come your way. So, for the sake of the party, use something called a fact checker before opening your lipstick-besmirched mouth.

Some have argued that this is nothing more than sensationalism and rumor at its worst. The New Yorker’s editor has claimed it is satire at its best. The left is enraged, and the right is trying to denounce it in order to sound less like the racist loons we are and more like we have a clue.

But this “artist conception” is based on Internets fact, not rumor. Just like the Internets “rumors” proclaiming that Mikey was dead, that no Jews died on 9/11, and that women should be naked to defeat terrorists, this “rumor” is based in reality.

The Intertubes are a valuable resource for informations about the Baracks. We all know he is a Muslim. We all know he attended a Madrassah. We all know he is black. But did you know he was an alien, a time traveller, and a clone of Santa Claus?

It’s all true. I read it on the Interconnects. And I have reason to trust everything from them. After all, I am soon going to be very rich thanks to a very nice deposed Nigerian dictator who only wants my bank account numbers so he can place a large sum of family fortune in them so I can act as an agent for him and help him smuggle a fortune out of his country.

It would teach a lesson to all those lily livered “Republicans” who voted for John McCain over Mike Huckabee and Fred Thompson. The Republican party needs to understand that if they are not willing to stand by their man in both good times and bad, that it will cost them dearly. George W. Bush will go down in history as the bestest President ever. And if history doesn’t see that, then history is as liberally biased as the facts, of which it consists.

After four yours of an Obama Presidency, in which we pull out of Iraq, refocus on the Taliban in Afgahnistan, provide universal health care for children and the working poor, revitalize science and work earnestly on energy independence, and begin a new era of detente working with not only our allies but also our enemies, America will be hungry to go back to the policies we have enjoyed under Commander Guy. There’s nothing like a little bit of peace and prosperity to get people willing to vote for someone who will piss it all away in just eight short years. Jeb Bush ‘12!

In case you haven’t noticed, Obama’s black. If their guy doesn’t win, there will be rioting in the streets like y0u haven’t seen since the last black guy ran and didn’t win. I mean we all remember the terrible riots in 1988. I mean they are still rebuilding Chicago and Los Angeles. And all because the colored guy didn’t win. To paraphrase my favorite mechanical punidt, “let the Negro win.”

If Obama wins, the Decider will be forced to attack Iran in order to get his three-fer war card punched enough to win him a free aircraft carrier in his name. We certainly can’t trust John McCain to do a tactical nuclear strike on Iran. I would be surpised if he could find it on a map. Note to self, get Miss South Carolina some freakin’ maps so that bitch shuts up. With Obama on the way in, our beloved leader will have no choice but to fulfill his destiny and launch a strike on Iran with the aid of the Israelis, the Brits, and the hundreds of nations left in the Coalition of the Willing. These nations in the vast brotherhood of the coalition include such totally real countries like Middle Earth, Tatooine, Krypton, and Cybertron.

Did I mention he’s black? Riots, burning cars, etc.

But the best reason to vote for Obama is that it will make John McCain angry, very angry. If we make him angry enough he will either turn into the Hulk McCain, which will go on a rampage in Washington and destroy the Senate with all those liberals and useless Republicans, who did nothing to help Commander Guy, or he might just blow a gasket and finally die, like we have all been hoping for for months now. It may not save our nation, but it will be as fun as hell to watch. I plan to piss on his grave when they finally inter his pile of bones.

So this November, make your vote count. If you are not going to vote for Bob Barr, vote for Barack Obama. The overturned burning car you save may be your own.

So there was Commander Guy, standing in front of the Knesset, delivering a speech on how wonderful it is to be a Jew in Israel, how dressing funny and praying at some wall is all that, and how Israel is a shining example of a democracy–1950’s American style–when all of the sudden he dropped a bomb on Barack so big I for a moment forgot I was a white lady and said “damn, bitch!”

The Decider warned us that becoming an appeaser, appeasing those who would be appeased, like those appeasers in the appeasing past, appeased Hitler, made him appeased, and led to all kinds of bad shit, which I really don’t remember, but I would if I actually believed in fact checking and doing my homework before opening up my mouth and talking all indignant about crap, about which I know nothing.

Fucking appeaser!

So as I listened to our Decider talk about how Barack Obama was no better than those people who let Hitler have his way, giving him what he wanted, and supporting him, so he could go on to march into the Sudetenland, annex Austria and invade Poland. And I thought to myself, who better than Dear Leader to discuss the evils of appeasing Hitler. Yes, if it’s one thing our brilliant President Man understands, it’s appeasing dictators and terrorists!

And after the speech, Lieberman and McCain both jumped to our President’s defense while others attacked him and belittled him, and actually tore apart what he said by actually making a distinction between negotiations, diplomacy, and appeasement. Those bitches!

Look, Commander Guy is correct. You cannot talk to our enemies, that would be just crazy. I mean what would have happened if we talked to North Korea, Libya, or the Soviet Union? I shudder to think.

Look, the carrot and stick approach has never worked. What we have been doing for the past seven years under the brilliant command of Bush has worked perfectly. I mean just look at everything we have accomplished. Iraq is a flourishing democracy, Afghanistan is just like a Midwest state, and everyone in the world loves and respects us.

Indeed, every time Condi goes overseas to deliver some brilliant piece of advice, she is hailed as a hero. In the words of Barbara Bush, this is working quite well.

So although I do not support John McCain, I do support continuing the wonderful policies of W., which have made me rich, lots of brown people not so rich (and in some cases quite dead), and has made Iraq the shining example of what can be done when you put a Bush to it.

Our beloved Commander Guy is about to veto his own military spending bill. It seems there are some provisions in it that are bad for our troops, like a pay raise, funding for veterans’ benefits, and the ability for Americans to sue Iraq for crimes committed by Saddam Hussein.

Well I certainly agree with the Decider on this one. Giving troops a pay raise is like calling them welfare moms. Increasing funding for veterans is like calling them pussies. And allowing victims of Saddam Hussein to sue, would be like making Germany give Jews reparations for the Holocaust.

How un-American!