Chip Saltsman of Tennessee said that most people will recognize the song as political satire. The CD titled “We Hate the USA” included such other satirical songs such as “John Edwards’ Poverty Tour,” “Wright Place, Wrong Pastor,” “Love Client #9,” “Ivory and Ebony” and “The Star Spanglish Banner.”

It seems clear that all of these songs are meant to poke political fun at the President-elect. There is a strong tradition of making fun of an incoming President. “Barack the Magic Negro” obviously was meant to emphasize how rubbing a Negro’s head will bring your good luck, or magic. This is purely political and in no way racial.

The song “John Edwards’ Poverty Tour” is meant to make fun of all the poor people in this country, most of whom are black. I don’t see anything wrong there. It’s their fault they are poor. If they had only had the decency to make sure they were born into wealthy families, they wouldn’t have to eat grubs or burn their furniture to keep warm.

The “Ivory and Ebony” song was meant to point out how black the Democrat party has become. It is filled with blacky, black, blacks. Lots of blacks there, too. See, it’s just satire.

And of course, “The Star Spanglish Banner” is meant to point out how the Mexicans desecrate our flag by spray painting, or tagging, it–those filthy Mexicans! Pure political satirical gold!

You know with such comedy geniuses like Saltsman–sounds a little Jewy, doncha’ think?–it’s no wonder we swept in the 2008 election! I mean today’s Republican Party has its finger on the pulse on the nation. Sure, it’s the nation of the 1950’s, and it’s been dead for decades, but we have our finger stuck right there, back with Jim Crow and segregation.

It makes me proud to be a Republican when I see people like this Jew Saltsman, I mean Chip Saltsman, taking some intitiative and spreading a little holiday–I mean Christmas–cheer. You know, I hope he gets that chairmanship. The last thing we need is to give it to a Negro like that Michael Steele.

I didn’t think that Edwards was gay all along. After all, only Republicans are gay. I mean, there was Foley, and then there was Craig. And let’s not forget that fabulous preacher man. Just pick any one, it really doesn’t matter. They all swish, if you know what I mean. In fact, it seems the Republican Party is so gay, that there is a rumor that when Reagan went to Berlin, his original speech at the Berlin Wall was not going to end “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall,” but was going to come to a completely different coda, “and as a citizen of Berlin, I take pride in the words, ‘Ich bin ein Schwuler.”

There had been rumors on the Internets for some time that there was a love child, and that this was the true reason behind Edwards’ early withdrawal from the campaign in February.

Now seeing how my gal pal got this wrong, basically calling Edwards a faggot when he was really a horn dog, I will have to assume that the rumors about Barack Obama having a gay affair and doing cocaine with Larry Sinclair really means that he is faithful to his wife, has two beautiful children, and occaisionally smokes. Man, that is a scandal! At least by Republican standards!

John McCain was approached for comment, but could not be stirred from his deep sleep. At first those around him had were hopeful that he was really dead and not just asleep, but after Cindy McCain stuck a cattle prod up his ass and force fed him some horse stimulants, he was ready for another sad appearance before another group of stupified onlookers.

When asked, Bill Clinton only smiled and gave the thumbs up to Edwards. He was promptly hit over the head with a frying pan by Hillary.

We go into Tuesday’s Beltway Bowl with O-mentum.

Hillary Clinton has fired her campaign manager and may do other shake ups. Look for more firings, and possible hissy fits after Tuesday, when she is expected to lose all three contests.

According to MSNBC, Barack Obama currently has 943 pledged delegates. Hillary Clinton has 895. John Edwards has 26. To win the nomination, 2,025 delegates are needed. Of these 842 are super delegates, which are not chosen, and are not pledged to any candidate. They are made up of party officials, governors, senators, representatives, former Presidents, and they can change they vote at any time.

Most Democrats are worried that neither candidate will go into the convention with enough delegates to capture the nomination, making the super delegates necessary for this first time ever. Super delegates were created after the disaster of the McGovern nomination. Super delegates were meant as a safety mechanism to prevent the unelectable from being nominated. Strangely, they were never used for Mondale, Dukakis, or Kerry.

Democrats are afraid that Obama could capture the popular vote and carry more delegates than Clinton, but that the super delegates could throw the nomination to her. Since super delegates are party insiders, and the Clintons have more pull than the Obamas, this is a very real danger.

But there is a magic number. If Obama goes into the convention with 1184 delegates, even if every single super delegate votes for Clinton, she will not have enough for the nomination. So as of this moment, if Obama can rustle another 241 delegates, he will have the nomination by default.

And then there are the 26 delegates of Edwards. John will endorse tomorrow. It is expected that he will endorse Obama, who is seen more progressive and more pro-labor than Clinton. Since under Democrat rules those delegates are Edwards’ to do with as he pleases, he could give those delegates to Obama, enriching his delegate count, and inching him closer to the nomination.

Who thought that the road to the White House would be most exciting via the Denver, Colorado. The Republican race has been so horrible, I am blocking the whole thing from my memory. However with Clinton and Obama, this thing is better than a soap opera or a Broadway musical with full frontal nudity.

Fred Thompson hurt Mike Huckabee in those same rural counties by siphoning off votes and preventing his wins from compensating for his losses. And in a poll by CNN, the Evangelical vote was split between McCain and Huckabee. Whether John McCain has the right stuff to compete in the Evangelical circles, or if simply Born Again Christians suddenly discovered their brains and realized how fucked they would be if Mike Huckabee were the nominee, is unclear at this point. Scientific study is needed, however most scientists who have tried in the past to study Evangelicals have been burned at the stake as witches.

John McCain handily won the coastal, more moderate counties. These counties are home to what are considered the more traditional Republican voters, those who believe in smaller government, fiscal discipline, and strong defense. These are the core Reagan Republicans.

Mike Huckabee, not to be outdone, has vowed to make himself more appealing to these Reagan Republican voters. On Monday, he plans to take candy from a baby, push an old woman into the street, and take homeless veterans off the street and lock them up in some dingy warehouse where they won’t be an inconvenience to Republicans who deny their existence.

In less than a week the contest moves to Florida. JJ and Thelma plan to protest the fact that Republicans have been pitching their tent on their dead mother. Until then, we will have to wait to see who the Republicans will choose, and ultimately get buyers remorse for: Mittens, Johnny, Rudy, Freddie, or the Huckster.

Normally I love hearing from the toe sucking Morris. But this time I think he is totally wrong. Well, not about the facts, but about the reasons and importance of those facts. If Edwards stays in the race, he will continue to amass delegates, and even though he may not win, he could become the king maker at the Democrat National Convention, anointing either Obama or Clinton with the nomination of the party.

Let’s take a look at the delegate lineup so far in the Democrat race. Obama leads with 25 delegates, followed closely by Clinton with 24, and then Edwards is in third with 18. If we take a look at mere percentages at this point in the race, with only three races decided, one a primary and another a caucus, and still another non-binding, Obama has 35.82% of the delegates, Clinton has 37.31%, and Edwards has 26.87%.

And if you remember recently John Kerry did the unthinkable by endorsing Barack Obama over his old running mate and supposed friend, John Edwards. Most of the folks on the left were scratching their heads over this. But Blanca knew better.

What John Kerry was doing was not snubbing John Edwards, but was basically laying the ground work for what is to come. John Edwards not only will he must stay in this race.

Edwards will continue to suck votes from both Obama and Clinton through Tsunami Tuesday. Even after the day when half the country votes, Edwards will only need to hold out one more week to basically see 2/3 of the country vote. By that time, enough of the delegates will have been disbursed to prevent any one candidate from walking into the convention with the nomination in hand.

Edwards can then give his delegates with either Obama or Clinton, making that person the nominee. As long as Edwards keeps garnering at least 15% of the vote, he will walk away with delegates and will have significant impact on the nomination.

Clinton currently has more super delegates than Obama, but with Edwards’ delegates Obama could be put over the top. Bring in Florida and Michigan. Although the Democrat Party stripped these two states of their delegates because they moved their primaries up before Super Tuesday, it is expected that those delegates will be seated at the convention. And with the race a three-way split, this will be important. With 40% of Michigan delegates uncommitted, those delegates could go for anyone.

So the Party will decide at the convention who should be the nominee. And no matter how much we on the Right have tried to have, no matter how much FoxNews salivates for, and no matter how much the mainstream media attempt to create controversy for a Clinton nomination, the process will be out of our capable hands, and will fall directly on the Democrats in Colorado in August.

It is clear that what we may end up with is a Clinton/Obama ticket. But what is unclear is who will be at the top of the ticket. Either way, we on the Right are completely screwed. With almost 65% of the population falling into the black or female category, it will be hard to compete with that combination with our dried up old prune, magic-underpants-wearing cult member, cross dresser, or the second coming.

Clinton 38%
Obama 36%
Edwards 17%

McCain 37%
Romney 28%
Huckabee 12%

MSNBC has just called the Republican primary for John McCain. John McCain has been making statements, trying to portray himself not only as the agent of change, but not as the agent of complete craziness.

Another horsie of the Apocalypse seems to have started a steady gallup.

In what could be the most significant story of the millennium, a story, which if true, could indicate we are not only living in the end times, but that the Messiah has already returned and is just waiting to bring our nation back to God and righteousness, right before the Rapture, Armageddon, and God destroys the world in his loving Glory.

To begin this story, we must go back to August 24, 1955 in a little town in Arkansas. A town was never so never named so apropos. For it is in this town of Esperanto that we not only saw the spawn of Satan born, who would eventually destroy our country from within with the evils of the oral sex, but it was also in this town where we would see our Savior reborn to rescue us from the evils of the oral sex, the gay sex, and the fun sex.

Although his parents are listed in his biography as Mae and Dorsey, it was quiet clear very early on that his father was not his biological daddy. Mae was visited in the winter of 1954 by an Archangel, who proclaimed that she was to bear the son of God. Confused, she thought she must strip the son of God naked. As she was ripping the loincloth off the family’s heirloom crucifix handed down from their heathen Catholic ancestors, the Angel told her to snap out of it and get a grip. I forgot to mention that the woman was a blithering idiot.

When she got over the initial shock that usually accompanies news that you are going to carry the Love Child of the Almighty, she set to work to make a home for the New Jesus, or Jesus Mach II, as she liked to call him.

Of course Dorsey was not too keen on Mae being pregnant, since he could not remember knocking her up. Known for his temper, he would repeatedly beat his wife while she was pregnant, which would later be blamed for the child’s incredible poor judgment and bad taste. Eventually Dorsey caught on, and accepted his fate as being the foster dad to God’s son.

The little child grew, and soon learned the ways of the force. Sorry, wrong biography. He learned the Christian ways, and became a good study, eventually becoming a Baptist Minister. Not satisfied with mere religion, he entered politics, because he knew his daddy would want it. It was unclear which daddy, but one of them.

Ultimately his journey took him to the Governor’s Mansion. Although this is not a great feat, considering Arkansas is about as backwards as Mississippi. But it was an accomplishment, nonetheless, like winning the Bronze at the Special Olympics.

Now our Savior is running for President. And I encourage all of you to support the Immaculate Conception of Mae, for it is within Mike Huckabee we shall all find salvation before God blows it all to shit in a mad rage known as the Tribulation.

And who is this Dodd guy? What happened to the crazy midget from Cleveland? I miss him. He makes everything so funny. I also miss the other crazy guy from Alaska.

I hate his politics, but I am swooning over Edwards. Well, at the very least if he wins, I might get a job as a White House intern. Actually the guy is so pretty, I haven’t heard a damn thing he’s been saying. Something about workers. Well, no one gives a shit about workers.

The only thing I hear when Hillary is talking is the Martian from Mars Attacks. Ack ack ack.

There’s that black guy again.

There, among all those liberal Democrats, who pollute Portland with their nonsense, were two of the most conservative and precious waitresses I have ever seen. When we finally revealed ourselves to each other as Republicans with our secret handshake, which cannot be revealed here, they opened up to me. And when I say opened up, I don’t just mean showing me their hoo ha’s, although we did that later. No, I mean we bared our souls and talked about what conservatives really care about.

When I found out these waitresses were Republicans, I started to ask how they could cope in such a Democrat world. They told me how hard it was to be a conservative surrounded by liberals. I consoled them.

I then asked if they were planning to give back their raises courtesy of the hike in the minimum wage. That was when they looked at me kind of crossed eyed, like a whore on bad crack.

They asked me why they should give their employers any money. I explained that it was just like stealing, since Nancy Pelosi had no right to raise their wages. Again, they looked at me like I was on heavy meds. When I explained again why they should give it all back, and how they were destroying the economy, they told me to fuck myself, and promptly started to support John Edwards.

I told them they were all going to Hell, because Jesus didn’t give a shit about working people, and we have to help corporations, but I just watched those cunts walking out the door carrying the flag or the Proletariat.

Damn, those conservative cunts turn on you if you start to take away their stuff.